A Rebellious Child

A REBELLIOUS CHILD

"In youth we learn, in age we understand" - Austrian novelist, Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Most of us celebrate our birthday's every year but what is the actual significance of it? Is birthday celebrated to embrace our victory over death for the past one year, that we managed to live a complete year? or do we celebrate it because it is the celebration of what we're now, what we've learned from life? or is it just a means for another family get-together? A pessimist/logical person would see birthday as the celebration of death & the case with a optimist will be vice-versa. I was recently reading a book 'Karma Manual', according to which our 'karma' begins since our conception. It means that since the time that life existed, it's 'karma' also churned it's wheels. Till the age we begin to watch 'Mickey Mouse', half of our karma is already done.

Life has three stages: 'Sowing', 'Growing' & 'Reaping'. Our own 'sowing' is not in our hands but 'growing' is. We grow first into a prepubescent age where the whole world is an alien to us. Whatever looked good or made a sound used to catch our attention. Whatever we were told by our elder's was considered as a binding statement. But as we leave the 'prepubescent' stage & enter into the very famous 'teen-age', our perceptions & priorities change. This is the age of rebel, love & affection. It is the only age where 'love' & 'rebel' come together. But the 'love' here is just to 'love-ourself'. Concentration from studies is shifted to 'gossip', 'movies' & other personal favorites. Many psychiatrists believe that this behavior is due to the 'hormonal' changes taking place. The 'pressure' is unbelievable these days. And during this, a movie like 'Udaan' releases. I'm not criticizing Udaan but neither am I appreciating it. I'm a teenager myself & the point that I didn't like in the movie was that it was a 'stereotypical' view. The write/director failed to show the perception of the father, only the main protagonist's perspective was considered. Also they've shown that 'running-away' is the solution. Now it doesn't takes a scientist to check the odds of children seeing the movie & concluding their lives journey. No doubt parents need to take good care but after seeing movies like these, atleast 60% of youth will see their parents as their enemies. I beg to differ. The chap is still learning to cope with world's rules of living + the biological changes taking place + the unstoppable thoughts = PRESSURE! And if 'Udaan' is seen by that chap, either he/she will come out more mature or a new method of 'runaway' will be developed. The problem is that we're already in a dilemma & if at that time parent's, even with good intentions, try to assist their child - will be considered as the same tyrant we saw in the movie. But what we should remember is that our parents are not our enemies. They want to see us grow in an environment where we mustn't suffer as they did. They are the silent guardians who take every blame silently that we throw at them. And we oblige them with running away when 'the pressure is un-handleable'. Is this really the solution? How can we be sure that we can grow ourselves better than our parents? It's not possible both logically & financially. 

Again it all comes down to the perception. When we've created a certain image that our parents are 'something', we stand-by that image. Hence when we are scolded for something, we take it too personally & sensitively. What we don't understand is that they are scolding us for our better development, again there are some exceptions. But the point is that it's just a shadow that we had in mind & most children don't seem to differentiate between reality & delusion. 

The solution for this is that the parents should sit together & then play their 'roles'. By roles I mean that either of them can play a 'support system' while the other plays the 'commander'. By doing this, the child is atleast sure that his voice will be heard. Normally, for the son his mother is the 'support system' & father is the 'commander' and vice-versa for girls. At this age, children tend to draw attention to themselves, failing which they take extreme steps. So even if the child is scolded by the parent, the 'other' should make sure that the same words are spoken with an essence of love, warmth & security in it. Many parents restrict their children's freedom to go out, to hang out with friends. In this case mutual understanding is needed from the parents & the child and gradually parents should also trust their children and increase their time-limit. This way both parties are at profit. 

The definition of rebellion is very nicely explained by Albert Camus , “What is a rebel? A man who says no”. 

“Real rebels are rarely anything but second rate outside their rebellion; the drain of time and temper is ruinous to any other accomplishment.” -  James Gould Cozzens

"Men seldom, or rather never for a length of time and deliberately, rebel against anything that does not deserve rebelling against." - Thomas Carlyle

The Blame Game

THE BLAME GAME

"The difference between greatness and mediocrity is often how an individual views a mistake." - Nelson Boswell

We all go through various emotions, situations in a span of single day hence we're extremely prone to work under pressure, which leads to some or the other minor/major mistake. When people are asked, "How come you make such a mistake?", they reply, "I'm not God!". This is our notion of God that he or she's a person - a rather abstract one, who never commits a mistake. But what I don't understand is that if you made a mistake, why to worsen things by not accepting it?! I mean if people 'really' follow God & his religious books, where in them is it mentioned that accepting a mistake is a sin?

Mistake's are neither deliberate nor accidental, I guess that is why the word still exists. Accident means something always having a drastic effect whereas mistake's are meant to be learnt from, even the most heinous ones. And like accidents, mistakes also take place due to miscommunication. Sometime's people can't hear the other person & thus begin to 'assume'. No one here is right or wrong & we do not have a right to judge them. So if you can't hear the other person, try asking 'again'. It won't hurt neither parties. But sometime's situations arise where the situation itself isn't favorable like person A is in angry mood & hence you cannot risk a punch on your face by asking him/her. But in this case, the only action to be taken is to be 'patient'. I know this is too time consuming but it's the best resort. In some cases, our action to act quickly results into a mistake. And even here 'patience' is the key,like I said. We act fast because we want to impress other/s. And while acting faster, we either make or break our 'image'. If we complete the task efficiently & perfectly - we are lauded, if we can't complete the task or if we even complete it but not perfectly - we are bombed. So here 'patience' and 'salvation' are linked together but as we know, if we do something dedicatedly, it is bound to complete in time with perfection.

Now above was the initiation or rather 'inception' of a mistake, the mistake is followed by a 'cover-up'. That's right, a 'cover-up' is the process which includes - deception, lies. When we're 'covering' our act, we're blaming someone else other than us for the concerned matter/mistake. We don't want to take the responsibility of our own act. Even cover-up's are of two types: (a) In which we neither blame nor support anyone thus transforming ourselves into a 'political-diplomatic'. (b) In which we blame some other person for our deeds. According to me, (a) is more crucifying than (b) - because it is quite difficult for some people to be 'quiet'. But at the end of the day regardless of what 'M.O' of our cover-up is, there is one thing that if left in the person that is a 'secret'. Now no matter whether a person can keep a secret nicely, we always find it difficult to maintain the secrecy of the 'secret' when we are involved in it. It becomes a burden when the 'secret' starts & ends with us.

"Admit your errors before someone else exaggerates them." - Andrew V. Mason

Thus, more & more can be said when we've to blame someone. We just need to do our job nicely if not dedicatedly. And if a situation shall arise when we have committed a mistake, we should wait for the right opportune moment to accept that & direct our efforts in the direction of improving ourselves, making ourselves proud. And like I had said earlier, we need to be 'patient', 'opportunistic', 'optimistic' & most importantly - 'dedicated' to whatever work we do. We should just remember one thing that "We should never let our mistakes take form of a 'crime'."

I'd like to conclude this post by a wonderful yet-not-so-abstruse quote by a great songwriter, singer & composer himself:

"A mistake is to commit a misunderstanding." - Bob Dylan

Misunderstanding: The Half Truth

MISUNDERSTANDING: THE HALF TRUTH

"In the whole round of human affairs little is so fatal to peace as misunderstanding."  - Margaret E. Sangster

A half truth is dangerous than a complete lie, it might prove fatal too. I've mentioned repeatedly in my previous posts that our perspective is always colored by how we want to see it rather than what it actually is. If our opinion is asked by someone indicates the person's trust on us, that our opinion counts. Someone's gain is someone's pain. All of our five senses are of utmost importance: Sight, Smell, Sound, Touch, Taste.

Misunderstanding begins with an 'assumption'. We interpret someone's actions or words by what we 'assume'. Given the opportunity to clarify, things might not be as it seemed. Again, some of us have a habit of interrupting other's when they speak which leads to mis-communication. This 'assumption' or 'mis-communication' leads to bitterness in the life ahead. There are memories that we remember & those which we can't forget. Any dark-shade of life falls under the latter.  That's why a person must first learn to be a good 'listener'. Here by a good listener I mean to use our 'Sound' & 'Sight' senses i.e. Audio/Visual. We must learn to note even the slightest change in the brows and also the 'eye-lip-synchronization'. We can tell whether a person is feeling well or not by their voice. They sound low/sore & you come to know that there's some problem. Using our 'Sound' sense is utmost required while we can't see the person i.e. over the internet chatting, telephonic conversation etc. At that time the only signs we'll get will be through the 'sound' of the person.

Reserved people have a good control & command over their words but the other person should also be intellect enough to understand their silence. Silence is much more deadlier, powerful & expressive than words. However, as we have seen many times, silence is always regarded as 'a tool of coward-ness'. This is why we need to use our A/V senses. If we cannot hear the words, we can atleast notice the facial expressions, the body language etc. No person can be so numb that he/she has control over their facial expressions, body language, voice; at the same time. Like life gives us signs, people do it too.

So ultimately all we need to do is learn to 'listen' & 'see' things as they are or we live in a delusion where both parties get hurt.

"Where misunderstanding serves others as an advantage, one is helpless to make oneself understood." - Lionel Trilling 

"In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood." -  Henry David Thoreau