Being Objective

BEING OBJECTIVE

"Faith is the denial of observation so that belief can be preserved." - Tim Minchin

Everyone of us has some passion, a specific mindset. We've our own share of responsibilities. We're entitled to our opinion but problem arises when our perceptions overshadow our work. Workplace is the space where we often find ourselves in a position to 'compromise' our perceptions and morals for the sake of a larger good. 

Whenever a person is assigned to a job, he/she has his/her own perception & a work plan. But sometimes, a person is unable to remain unbiased. The morals/ethics/perceptions of the person comes in the way of the process of decision making. In this condition - the person loses the hold off the pros/cons of his actions. He/She only thinks what is right according to him/her. The condition becomes even serious when the person holds a post which actively affects the public like any law enforcement job: cop/judge etc; the actions are governed by the subconscious mind. The person always benefits the self & impedes other's by the judgment. The person cares the least about the consequences that will be embossed on other. Instincts of the person, the emotional attachments etc - leads the person to  implausible decisions. We see the world as we want to & not how it actually is. The conscience of the person is the witness to such deeds. No one wants to be in trouble lest the subconscious mind pays no heed to it.

Being subservient has proven to be quite virtuous. The decisions made are unprejudiced, unbiased - without the knowledge of the affect of out come. When we make the decision purely based on the facts, the person has an objective state of mind. This rational decision making method has been known to all but accepted by small bunch of people. The mind assesses the facts, analyzes them & thus deduces from it - these are the ethos of objective decision making. Such a decision satisfies everyone. Even if someone known to the person is found to be guilty & is treated as one - there will be hatred on the face but respect within. Journalism  enables such a platform where the facts are placed in the public domain & it is left unto the viewer/reader to deduce from it. The notion in one's mind reflects in the decision. 

“An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.” - Mahatma Gandhi

Decision making has always been an uphill task. The decisions made under emotions are actually compromises. Emotions always tend to eclipse the logical part of the mind i.e. the left hemisphere of the brain. Objectivity is, according to me, the most important innate sense of mind that a person must nurture. Surely, times will come when we shall question our decisions but that's when a larger question arises: Am I faithful to my job, my conscience? The guilt of 'being wrong' is the one that trigger's cynical thoughts in one's mind. Emotions are the capital assets for humans, but the person is always answerable to it's con-conscience.

'Sine Die'

“Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead.  We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces.”  - Sigmund Freud

Flow Like Water

FLOW LIKE WATER

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." - John F. Kennedy

I, personally, try to opt for things that are in some ways - abstruse. The idea & the title for this post was the incredible cue by James Newton Howard. The track was titled - 'Flow Like Water'. It starts with mild flute-cello-violin orchestra, reaches the dramatic climax with the help of cymbals, drums & ofcourse the orchestra. If the track is heard at the right moment with proper surroundings, it can give the feeling of something or someone closing-in on you. I wasn't the fan of it's title but gradually I could understand it's relevance. The track gives the feeling of flowing of water which, figuratively, is the human emotions flowing through one's mind. It's a way, as I see it, to vent out the feelings & stand on the right foot again. But as I wrote in 'Time', I won't let this post become a music review post.

Change - the reason & solution to every problem. Sometimes, a certain situation requires us to change & sometimes we change the situations. The leaders crave for bringing change in the society, some of them even win their campaigns. Adapting is also a change. Sometimes people change, sometime's we change. Sometimes people also get fed up with change. So is change good or bad? The best example of change & perseverance is flowing water. The water flows no matter how much it's path is changed i.e. inclination, diversion, re-routing etc. We cannot hold water in our bare hands, it simply flows though the fingers. 

Let me elaborate a little more:

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." - Wayne Dyer

When a person voluntarily feels or is convinced that he/she needs to change - the most basic question is what is it that needs to be changed - The behavior or the appearance or a brainwash? Bear in mind that the person is only given a direction, life is still flowing. Our life begin's with water & ends with it. Thus, metaphorically, we all meet in the same ocean. Water of the pond, lake or sea might of any color, any chemistry but it's core - H20 is/was/will always be the tantamount. Similarly, the change that we need to bring in ourselves merely helps us to distinguish ourselves from other 'waters', though we ultimately are the reflection of humanity & not any individual. We first need to dig deep inside ourselves to face our deepest fears, the darkest temptations, the empty voids, the over-filled pores so that we can lead a better life. Facing these 'things' can only help us. Once we face our own evils & gods, then can only we be able to distinguish & compartmentalize the changes that we need to bring in. Time, tide & universe wait for none. But change - it possesses the strongest of all other evils in the world. It has the capability to tame a person's mind, turn good into bad or the vice-versa. Perpetually, change has to be escorted by the recipient -self only when required. Good changes are like the finger's of a maestro dancing on the octaves of a piano. Whereas when a person changes to bad - it's like a violin-percussion duo which can only be decrypted afterwards, often when it's too late. Nothing in the world is bad as it simply depends on the hands that control it. 

We usually bury our ill-thoughts & actions, deep within us. Maybe deliberately, but by running away from our actions or rather 'what-could've-been-an-action', we're letting it to be re-born again in our future. It shall linger us, undoubtedly. What's good or evil is for you to decide. Student's are generally afraid of Math, like I was, but once it is 'understood' - it might not seem as difficult again. Surely it takes time but it's better late than never. 

Coming back to the topic of change & flowing water, most of times it is difficult to see the change we want to bring in. People can only inspire us, ultimately we must put our thoughts to actions & bring the change. Decorously, nothing is as permanent as change. Everything changes. But so does our lives, it also changes - our perspective, our priorities, our prospects, thinking, our character i.e. it changes us & reciprocally, we change our lives. The most basic instinct a person possess - 'What are they going to remember me for?' inspires us to extricate ourselves in the flood of people. Afterall, what began with wide hands, concludes with it. The water takes with it what it must. We're a huge body of water & even though sometimes we feel our life has become inert, the water is still flowing. Water can't be seized but it can surely be directed. Try to flow like water rather than trying to stagnate or rush it..! Water is extremely important for us, humans as it is seen to as a benchmark for how higher we stand.

“Nothing in the world is more flexible and yielding than water. Yet when it attacks the firm and the strong, none can withstand it, because they have no way to change it. So the flexible overcome the adamant, the yielding overcome the forceful. Everyone knows this, but no one can do it.” - Lao Tzu

First Ideas

FIRST IDEAS

"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." - Albert Einstein 

As we were growing up, we always read about scientists, researchers & other personalities how they were the first one to accomplish some thing they did. The "World's First" are always historic. 

- The first man ever to live(at least it's believed): Adam

- First man to step on moon - Armstrong

- First American president of African origin - Obama

- First work of fiction - George Elliot who's real name was: Mary Anne Evans

- World's first completely computer generated feature film - Toy Story

and many others..

In the 90's sitcom, Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld takes a gig at being the 'first' at something. He goes, "The only thing about being first was being there before anyone else". Federer becomes the first tennis player to win 16 Grand-Slam titles but what about Pete Sampras who held the record until last year? The fact is people always know and want to know about the first's. For the people the list starts somewhere down the line & ends on the first. 

"Ideas are like wandering sons, they show up when least expected" - Bern Williams

CREATIVE FIRST's

Somehow, in some people - this hunger for being "first" at something leads them to explore & walk on the less travelled roads where, some of them succeed. Ray Dolby created the sound system - Dolby Labs but few years later Jon Kirtchner came up with DTS & Sony with SDDS in the field of Cinema Sound. The key to success is not being the "first" one to be there but to keep up with the changing times. Of course, being first at anything tests the creativity of people but it also nurtures it. Human mind craves for new ideas. Most old ideas in human mind are treated just as the body treats any new protein - it rejects it. Emil von Behring developed an antitoxin to treat diphtheria, that cost many thousand's lives, was rewarded with the First Nobel Prize in Physiology & Medicine category. Jacobus Van't Hoff was honored in return of his contribution in Chemical Thermodynamics - being the first laureate in the Chemistry. 

"Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one you have. " - Emile Chartier

DESTRUCTIVE FIRST's

There've not always been good firsts in the human world. World War - One took off in 1914 & lasted till 1918. We all know what happened henceforth. Successful assassination's of Ehud, Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Kennedy & Benazir Bhutto and the attempted killings of Andrew Jackson, Guy Fawkes & Pope John Paul II have painted the history books in red. Richard Nixon - the president facing impeachment resigned at the right time to avoid the uncomfortable circumstances(later Nixon was pardoned by his successor Gerald Ford). The 9/11 of US, 7/7 of Britain, 26/11 of India etc are few other examples of the destructive first's of the world. Not all people share same interests thus difference's of opinions is valid. Some people believe, or are forced to believe, that they are an important asset in the revolutionary fight for their community. As a group, people have to share the ideology of the group whereas the individual's are in bleak contrast. The list of Destructive First's dwarfed the Creative First's. It's hard to concentrate at the white piece of cloth when the eyes notice a spot! 

AN IDEA FOR AN IDEA

Nevertheless, whether creative or destructive - the First Ideas are always spoken of & hence remembered. They're looked up as milestones which linger's those on the verge of those waiting to add their names in the list or creating a new category..! Ideas come & go, it's the approach towards that idea that make people who they are. A wise knows the destructive consequences of his actions, the fool only knows it after getting listed in the local newspaper. But regardless of being wise/fool - it's always a history in the making because first's always lasts.

"An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe it" - Don Marquis

Nothing..

NOTHING...

“What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of 'nothing'.” - Oscar Wilde

Often in life, to escape from the fast-paced & hectic times - we seek break from our work. Student's seek a closure from studies, working people seek vacations and so on. We're in constant search of keeping us busy - mentally. When the work becomes too overwhelming, it squeal's for a break. The break might include serene/tranquil walks, moments, or sheer good-tight-sleep!

The 90's hugely successful sitcom, 'Seinfeld', was based on the philosophy of 'nothing'. The show depicted the miserable lives of 4 friends & how they discussed things as little as their tooth-brushes to as big as TV-projects, in a comical manner. But ultimately it was about nothing - no story, no learning. There come's a period where we get fed up from being 'free'. As is said about the brain & heart - they never sleep. Even if there is nothing to do, see, feel, smell, taste - our brain constantly works on the sheer boredom it experiences. The mind constantly fabricates the aspects of not doing 'nothing'. One often sit's & stares at things, subconsciously thinking about nothing. Gradually this thinking takes over & motivates the person to either do something or, as is always preferred, go to sleep. There linger's a void that is created due to non-production. Our mind works in two ways, creatively & productively. The relationship between them is that of demand-supply. Inability to be creative may not necessarily lead to 'nothing' black-hole. But it's true that our brain longs for being creative - in any way. I would like to describe boredom as the flame of a candle, dancing on the simple 'motion' of wind. Our mind too is like that flame. Whenever a human being is asked to enter a room - his first instinct is to have a look at the surroundings i.e. the walls, the color on the walls, the accessories used in decorating the walls etc. Our brain is stagnated without work & therefore, the waves of time seems to be ceased to flow. Only 'nothing' remains without change, everything else changes.

“To do nothing at all is the most difficult thing in the world, the most difficult and the most intellectual” - Oscar Wilde

It is proven, psychologically, that a person no matter how strong(emotionally), possesses a point where he ultimately breaks up due to the lack of information for the brain to process. People can think ill of other's only when they choose to sabotage their brain i.e. only when they've nothing else to do. However, before a person begins to get un-ethical thoughts, his/her brain initially acknowledges every tiny detail that the person comes across. We might not notice a spot on something until we actually observe it. We have everything we need to learn if we just observe & mind our own surroundings. Usually the wave of 'nothing' cripples the person. When 'it' takes 'over' the person - that's where the countdown to be sane again, begins. When we have 'nothing', our mind goes for 'anything' meaning that it processes not just the details of the surroundings but also digs up old memories & begins to analyze them. In fact, the science of nothing is just a refinement of everyday thinking! Nothing pains some people more than having to think.

Vacation's are never hard, it's the aftermath of it that takes efforts because our mind cannot make 'that' transition of being in 'hibernation' mode to the 'go' mode, so smoothly. But once our mind is fed with something that is obscure or discombobulating in nature - our mind tends to pay immediate & complete attention to make it clear. This is the reason why majority of people can't learn how to tie knot's just by watching it on TV or by listening about it on radio/phone. Our mind is the most childish part of our body & thus it craves for the simplest of details as possible. Simplicity is what our brain demands for and nothing is as simple as just sitting or lying on bed with nothing to do, thus our eyes see what it missed earlier. 

I know, this post might seem a little cryptic & alchemist-ic in nature but once it's read during the days of boredom - you'll understand what I wanted to say.

"Nothing is permanent." - Buddha

Listen To Me?

LISTEN TO ME?

“Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.” - Hermann Hesse

Logically, we speak to communicate with others - tongue is the world's most used tool to communicate. But how many times have we actually stopped clucking our thick tongues & thought about the way we speak? Sometimes people speak without thinking, figuratively, of course. Some people can't speak, some can't stop to speak. Some people speak in a high tone, some in a soft tone. But why does a person raises his decibels when he/she has earphones on, as in listening to music etc?!

"If you can't win by reason, go for volume." - Bill Watterson

The thing is, when we're speaking - we're actually speaking for us to listen. We're our own audience. When we speak normally, our tone & volume is different but when we're listening to something or when our ears are 'pre-occupied' - we raise our voice to communicate with others only because with chaos  lurking at our ears we're ourselves unable to hear a single word that left our mouth. Despite the fact that other fellow is having his/her ears intact. It's not arrogance as we aren't doing it on purpose, we simply can't imagine other person can hearing us as we have an inborn 'voice' of "why can't I hear it?!" So basically, we human's are designed in such a way that we've to mold ourselves to something as simple as speaking-&-listening.

Decibels don't always increase when we can't hear ourselves, they also emerge as a 'poster-image' of anger. When we're angry, we yell i.e. we shout, scream etc. That's an extremity. To just justify how much anger or difference of opinion is filled in ourselves, again the strongest muscle come's to the rescue. We know that words & words alone design our character, our future, our strengths, our weaknesses - in short ourselves! To get the feeling of being the 'dormant' - we stiffen our cords. We ensure that the other person hears us & hears us well. 

The other reason for decibel increase is the one in excitement. Adrenaline is a funny thing when we know of it's effects & the capability of human body to go beyond the extreme, which wouldn't be extreme once it's crossed. The sheer example is that of a sporting event. The crowd can be heard, quite deafeningly. The scream, here, is the one of extreme joy or disappointment. 

The forth type of scream is the one in sadness. Just to blow the bubble of frustration, people scream. This voice is the result of the capacitative irritation, frustration, anger, pressure that builds a hollow monument of bubble in our heads. As we know, the only way to release this pressure is by 'speaking up' which usually is taken as 'speaking-out'. 

Thus we come back to square one. We know that the words spoken can never return, yet when we're not in our 'sound' mind - we let these 'loose' talks to drive. That's the beauty of the whole thing because after aggressive talks, the same lips & tongues deliver the words of wisdom, endorsed by their attitude. Where there's "damn" - there's also "beautiful" and many others. The only thing over here too, is the control over our mind. We always have a story to tell other's but sometimes finding a listening is asking too much! Hence, again, my recommended dose would be 'writing it out'. Listening to classical music also helps in calming of nerves. Divert the aggression, tension towards writing & thus creative writing won't be such a taboo as some reckon it as. The only 'mantra' towards leading a peaceful life is by exhausting our 'extreme=emotions'. We may all have our different methods to do so but hey, it's our lives!

"The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes

The Unpredictable Beauty

THE UNPREDICTABLE BEAUTY

“I am an unpredictable journey.” - LIFE

Predictable - a word used to describe, in a way, what the future holds. There are many people claiming they can see the future and, since you can't clap with one hand, there are those people too who want to know their future. They're ready to pay hefty costs to know it.  Let's enumerate the pros & cons of knowing the unknown.

We should understand that if we know the future, then obviously, whatever we do right now will eventually nudge us to it. Therefore, we get a mental relief from the 'surprise' that the person awaits as an outcome. Knowing future is also good to see how the person's life will be & thus, if it's a brighter future - the person becomes more optimistic. So it helps in preparing for what's left in the tank. For a student or a lover: the most important thing is to know the final result i.e. whether they'd have a good, serene & safe future ahead or that they'd have to struggle a bit. The person would become more relaxed, mentally as he/she knows "tomorrow". Thus, the approach towards work would be a bit casual. We know if the future is sweeter or bitter for us, so we take a casual approach towards life - we know it's going to come so we're preparing ourselves to withstand it but ultimately, the person loses all hope.

Now, what if the wheel of life goes on as it must - without us knowing the outcome? We don't know what will happen to us tomorrow, whether we'll meet somebody, or will we achieve something or even - will we die tomorrow?! The beauty, here, is that we don't know "tomorrow" & so we work harder - this defines our character. We're curious to know "tomorrow" & that curiosity motivates us to just 'draw the last inch'. No doubt, under pressure situations we're under extreme aggression which is not a position to be but yet, this is a pleasurable pressure. We know that the day will end & a new ray of light will await us "tomorrow" - thus we've hope. And afterall, hope is the thing, the fuel that keeps the hunger of curiosity & our charm to live - alive! If we know that the world will be coming to an end "tomorrow" then we'd act as per our "bucket list" but if we don't know it - we'd die normally. Hence, the person's life commences calmly. The horror of getting to see the hands of death suffocating & choking us is far more worse than dying with same method without having to look at it.

Be it any perspective, the excitement & the thrill of unpredictability of life is what inspires us. It is what keeps us going on & on till we finally understand what we're looking for. Sometime's knowing isn't everything. And sometimes we know things that we aren't supposed to know, so let by-gones be by-gones & focus on the beauty that we possess in our minds & thoughts regarding life. The ultimate thing that we should indulge in voluntarily is doing our 'Karma'. I'll elaborate on this in my next post..

"Life is a change & the most elegant changes are unpredictable." - Arpit Shukla

The Obdurist

THE OBDURIST

“Afflictions sent by providence melt the constancy of the noble minded, but confirm the obduracy of the vile, as the same furnace that liquefies the gold, hardens the clay” - Charles Caleb Colton

Every individual consists of emotions & feelings. It's the way they express that determines their stature in the society. The most irritating & 'effective' one is that of an obdurist - a made up word derived from 'obduracy': an "art" to defy other's & stand-by one's own views (even though they're terribly wrong).

So what is obduracy for a lay-man? Well, it's a 'quality' that most of us are capable of, but we don't because we differentiate it swiftly. It's the first step towards self-destruction & like we all know, when we're self-destructing it seems like it's the world's fault & that everyone we know has turned against us, but in reality there comes a point in life where you've to step-up to yourself & face your own eyes through your soul. But the beauty of being an obdurist is that the person know's it's his fault, but he/she builds abstract-mental walls around them to retain & re-live their delusion. But when the walls of society begin to close-in, the only way that seems apt to the person is that of dying with dignity aka suicide. We all know that suicide is an attempt of those people who don't have the guts to face the society, much less themselves. 

The ultimate obdurist would be the one who defies the ethos of the society even at the cost of his/her own gratification. History has been the testimony of what obdurist have  bestowed upon others. Like, in science electric current is produced by the motion of negatively charged electrons, the person too have to be possessed by such great negativity that can force his/her to turn to obduracy. The person develops a sort-of an envelope/a shell in which the world would spin according to his will. Obduracy is, afterall, a form of delusion - but a more spontaneous & self-acquired one. Obduracy is a choice & some people do make bad choices! A strong liking or reluctance to something/someone can be considered as uno examples of obduracy. It's the obsession towards that thing/person that drives the person to his/her destiny.

So what's the cure for obduracy? Obviously when a person turns delusional, it's nearly impossible for him/her to distinguish the lines of reality & delusion. So at this point it is required for his/her well-wishers to step in & bring the person back on his toes. A straight-forward way is always appreciated but not in the cases of mental stresses/disorders. Likewise in a delusion, if a confrontation takes place then matter might get out of hands & then it's followed by what people always regret: hard feelings/misunderstandings. So a delusional person must be taken great care of & handled with care & understanding. The person demands to be treated like a child. And how do we treat a child - by first entering into his/her 'trust-circle' i.e. winning the trust. We then try to get close to him/her in a mental way where both can count on each other without the fear of being 'judged' or 'mocked'. Slowly but surely, the matter normalize's with some professional help! By professional help I mean - medical help i.e. consulting a good psychiatrist, sometimes even an elder's advice would be helpful.

“A stubborn mind conduces as little to wisdom or even to knowledge, as a stubborn temper to happiness” - Robert Southey 

Lie To Me

LIE TO ME

"Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle that fits the all."  - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

The calender has finally changed the decade & we're all packed up in our minds on how we'll make the best of 2011. This is an 'every-year' affair! Either at the end or the beginning of every year we literally lie to ourselves that we'll "do this & do that". Of course some of us are really sincere when it comes to do their work but no matter how much sincere you are, you're always left with half-a-dozen chores 'to-do'. We put our expectations so high that we fail ourselves & end up besmirching our own image in our own eyes. But there's another side to it too!

We deliberately keep our hopes high, that's our only hope! We know that if we put 10 things in our list(hypothetically), we'll accomplish 5 & by the time we reach at #7 the calender will take its turn again! We do this in order to motivate ourselves i.e. for 'self-motivation'. As we're constantly in search of motivation, it works as a good technique, unless you don't know of it! I know it sounds all perplexing but come to think of it, seriously. As it's been said by George in the 90's sitcom, Seinfeld, "It's not a lie if you believe in it."; if we really believe in the lie it becomes as good as a truth but not the whole. But like I wrote in one of my earlier post; Misunderstanding: The Half Truth, a half truth is dangerous than a complete lie. If we constantly go on lying to ourselves our mind becomes 'immune' of it & soon it becomes like a "daily-chore". By lying to ourselves we're actually deceiving our very soul that we dwell upon. Once we start believing in a lie, we literally live in a lie! We are born truthful but we die as liars. We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves, that too without discretion. The lie has, long since, lost its honest function of misrepresenting reality. Lies are told only to convey to someone that one has no need either of him or his good opinion. 

There are ways to motivate oneself other than lying. Why don't we prepare a list that suites our caliber, our lifestyle! If we prepare such a list then there won't be any need to lie to ourselves. Of course when we lie to ourselves, we know we're lying but sometimes after frequent lies our becomes numb when it has to distinguish the truth from a lie. This is where we lose the grasp over reality because we're 'living the lies'. The problem arises when, while living the lies when we hurt others, much less ourselves. Our inner soul cries foul to us & we know that no one has ever lived a satisfactory life when they know they're guilty. Initially our mind rebelled against lying but at that time we persisted it to the level of insanity & later when we come back to our senses, no matter how much we try hard - we can't explain to our mind that we're 'truly' want to change. An average person lies atleast 10 times a day, sometimes even without knowing it. Lies, no matter how innocent, always create misunderstandings. Every liar later realizes that, "had I chosen to speak the truth, I'dn't have to go through this living trauma". But, like a bullet, the lie that are uttered via the words can not be taken aback. So then we tell another lie to hide this & thus resulting into a nuclear chain of lies. Ultimately we reach a saturation point where we cannot 'take any more lies', quite literally. Sometimes it's too late to mend things but it's never too late to realize our actions, leading to such consequences. Our mind will no longer believe in itself once we start lying to ourselves. This will create a debate that will challenge our own sanity! A liars punishment is not that he is not believed by his conscience but that he cannot believe others too. 

The best weapon to kill a lie is truth. We know this ever since our childhood but as we grow, we seem to forget these things & we lie to sustain in this 'brutal' world. One can live with a lie but not with one's own conscience that remains the measure of our love for us & others, our own sanity & our own 'company'. Even if we lie to someone we can always clarify things in the future but when we lie to ourselves we must clear the stats at the same time. Mind is an amazing thing but it believes whatever we believe. Obviously only our brain has the power to believe in things but by lying we divide our brain into a disputable position. One half doesn't wants to lie & the other half has lied by that time! Throughout history we've known that the negatives are always very powerful than the positives but the same stories have also portrayed that the positives 'believe' in themselves & that acts as an accelerator to their confidence. To have that kind of confidence one must have a clear conscience & for a clear conscience one must have a clear perspective regarding lies/truth, good/bad etc & for that we must be 'true' to ourselves. 

This simple equation leads an individual to a happy life.

I'd like to add one more simple thing: Every lie starts happy but ends in grief! - think about it.

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.” - Richard Bach