Sibling Rivalry

SIBLING RIVALRY

“Rivalry is the life of trade, and the death of the trader.” - Elbert Hubbard

Nature's most admirable foes are the siblings, irrespective of their species, but as always I'll discuss about the humans. Like Mr. Darwin's widely acclaimed theory of 'Survival of the Fittest' holds true, it starts nowhere else than from one's house. We celebrate at the birth of a new life. It's what we call 'birth-day'. And As we head towards the over-whelming joy of another life, there is someone in the family who hates that! They might play/eat/sleep together but, again, like Darwin said, "No two beings can be alike". It's a rivalry in the making, in most cases. But why does it happens like that?

Take two kids in competition for their parents' love and attention. Add to that the envy that one child feels for the accomplishments of the other; the resentment that each child feels for the privileges of the other; the personal frustrations that they don't dare let out on anyone else but a brother or sister, and it's not hard to understand why in families across the land, the sibling relationship contains enough emotional dynamite to set off rounds of daily explosions.

During prepubescence or childhood(as some might know it), the being craves for attention. When A sees that B is getting more attention than him/her, A sets a 'mental-goal' to try to win back his apparently 'stolen' glory. And if parents still go on ignoring the signs, it becomes a matter of pride for A. Thus a rivalry grows based on no logical theory. In age A will understand that like he(A) got his share of attention during his birth and now B too needs some light. 'Tis then when A truly realizes that age is the price we pay for maturity. And then instead of besmirching the other, he/she behaves normally. 

In some cases, the elder sibling is too protective or critique of the younger offspring. Usually after parents, the elder sibling is left with the responsibility of taking care of the younger ones. Things usually go well in these cases until the elder one deliberately or accidentally tries to replace the 'image of their parent' on the younger one. However the conclusion might not always meet the intention of the elder but somehow he/she loses the grasp between his places: the one he temporarily holds & the one which he is assigned to. This leads to unspoken 'volcanic-rivalry'. We all have our specific places in the world & conventionally, younger one's are supposed to turn to their elders for guidance. In some places, siblings behave with each other in a much better way than they behave with their elders(parents) & in some cases they behave like sworn enemies. Whatever the reason, sibling rivalry often ignites from the flame of 'negligence'. And we all know when you don't give a child what he really wishes for - he either cries out loud or holds a massive grudge until the D-Day.

Not all conflicts between siblings are good, of course. A child who is repeatedly humiliated or made to feel insignificant by a brother or sister is learning little except humiliation and shame. But the more parents intervene, the more siblings fight. And the bigger role parents assume in settling arguments, the less chance siblings have to learn how to resolve conflicts for themselves.

Some siblings restrict themselves to just formal meetings/conversations while some behave as good as 'friends'. And like (mutual)sharing is the key to all human relations, it also holds the key of being a good sibling. It's never too late to mend any relation in the world so why to be at loggerheads with our own blood-relatives! We know that we can't choose our family but that question never arises here! If the 'sibling-rivalry' dissolves, it's great if it doesn't, well what are friends for! World is a huge place but we'd be helping ourselves if we used minimum of our rivalry powers.

“It is the privilege of posterity to set matters right between those antagonists who, by their rivalry for greatness, divided a whole age." - Joseph Addison