Sibling Rivalry

SIBLING RIVALRY

“Rivalry is the life of trade, and the death of the trader.” - Elbert Hubbard

Nature's most admirable foes are the siblings, irrespective of their species, but as always I'll discuss about the humans. Like Mr. Darwin's widely acclaimed theory of 'Survival of the Fittest' holds true, it starts nowhere else than from one's house. We celebrate at the birth of a new life. It's what we call 'birth-day'. And As we head towards the over-whelming joy of another life, there is someone in the family who hates that! They might play/eat/sleep together but, again, like Darwin said, "No two beings can be alike". It's a rivalry in the making, in most cases. But why does it happens like that?

Take two kids in competition for their parents' love and attention. Add to that the envy that one child feels for the accomplishments of the other; the resentment that each child feels for the privileges of the other; the personal frustrations that they don't dare let out on anyone else but a brother or sister, and it's not hard to understand why in families across the land, the sibling relationship contains enough emotional dynamite to set off rounds of daily explosions.

During prepubescence or childhood(as some might know it), the being craves for attention. When A sees that B is getting more attention than him/her, A sets a 'mental-goal' to try to win back his apparently 'stolen' glory. And if parents still go on ignoring the signs, it becomes a matter of pride for A. Thus a rivalry grows based on no logical theory. In age A will understand that like he(A) got his share of attention during his birth and now B too needs some light. 'Tis then when A truly realizes that age is the price we pay for maturity. And then instead of besmirching the other, he/she behaves normally. 

In some cases, the elder sibling is too protective or critique of the younger offspring. Usually after parents, the elder sibling is left with the responsibility of taking care of the younger ones. Things usually go well in these cases until the elder one deliberately or accidentally tries to replace the 'image of their parent' on the younger one. However the conclusion might not always meet the intention of the elder but somehow he/she loses the grasp between his places: the one he temporarily holds & the one which he is assigned to. This leads to unspoken 'volcanic-rivalry'. We all have our specific places in the world & conventionally, younger one's are supposed to turn to their elders for guidance. In some places, siblings behave with each other in a much better way than they behave with their elders(parents) & in some cases they behave like sworn enemies. Whatever the reason, sibling rivalry often ignites from the flame of 'negligence'. And we all know when you don't give a child what he really wishes for - he either cries out loud or holds a massive grudge until the D-Day.

Not all conflicts between siblings are good, of course. A child who is repeatedly humiliated or made to feel insignificant by a brother or sister is learning little except humiliation and shame. But the more parents intervene, the more siblings fight. And the bigger role parents assume in settling arguments, the less chance siblings have to learn how to resolve conflicts for themselves.

Some siblings restrict themselves to just formal meetings/conversations while some behave as good as 'friends'. And like (mutual)sharing is the key to all human relations, it also holds the key of being a good sibling. It's never too late to mend any relation in the world so why to be at loggerheads with our own blood-relatives! We know that we can't choose our family but that question never arises here! If the 'sibling-rivalry' dissolves, it's great if it doesn't, well what are friends for! World is a huge place but we'd be helping ourselves if we used minimum of our rivalry powers.

“It is the privilege of posterity to set matters right between those antagonists who, by their rivalry for greatness, divided a whole age." - Joseph Addison

The Penned Critic

THE PENNED CRITIC

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” - Winston Churchill

Any thing that is 'produced' on the basis of one's creativity will always be a subject of discussion & shall be looked upon as either the best or the worst illustration of that person's creativity. This creativity can be anything ranging from a painting to a film to a book or any other invention. Those who are or like to call themselves as a 'critic' for that particular field is always the most hated person of that industry. As I had written several times in the past that we're always too critic of others, I noticed that there are two types of critics: (i) One who speaks his 'critique' thoughts, (ii) One who writes his 'critique' thoughts. The critic who uses his strongest muscle to deliver his critique observation is widely seen on screen. They will act as one of the 'Steve Jobs' of their fields & will 'try' to analyze & give the 'in-depth' review i.e. their opinion. And people choose 'speaking' critics over the 'reading' critics as they get a quick review of the invention in a nice 'animated' way. When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car.

However, those critics using 'pen is mightier than sword' theory are the most feared by the inventor. In a recent study it has been found that people are more afraid to read negative comments about then rather than listening to them. Most people may disagree with this. But let's try to elaborate more on this. If I write a post & ask my friends to read it, would I prefer their vocal review? Yes, if I may say so. I've personally found that when a person is kept under scrutiny, he/her wishes to listen to the words as they don't leave 'much' impact. Our auditory memory depends on our condition. If someone swears at me, I'd just need a booze or a serene good-night sleep. But if someone mails me negative comments regarding my work or uploads it to some website, I'm bound to go into depression. The reason being simple, when a review is 'written', it stays forever. And no matter how much I'd try, the paper or the text is bound to catch my attention & when it does, I'm gonna read it again! Therefore, the cycle goes on forever. Social networks play an important role in this as it helps people to connect with each other &  spread the 'word of mouth'.

Now people will ask, 'why don't you just tear/delete the text already?'. Here too people must also try to understand the psyche of the recipient. Our character is what we're under pressure not who we want to be. We might think or boast infront of the mob of our 'knight-eous' acts but when we're left intimate with ourselves, our brain processes each & every memory that the person went through the day. Again, if it were for the spoken words it'd completely depend on the manner in which they're spoken but still if no option works, booze is a blessing in disguise. But if you read the paper again & again, you're literally going to re-live 'that' negative feeling over & over again until extremities. 

But what should one do after getting such depressing reviews? The person would surely be hoping to beat up the critic but that's not the way to handle it! The person must remain calm no matter what. I know I sound naive writing this but this is the only resort, except accepting our own mistakes. Merely .5% people will choose the latter. Other than that, and my personal favorite, we must remember to forget the review & must 'go on' doing what we'd like to keeping in mind what went wrong in the previous act. For that an unbiased, honest introspection is a must! Sit alone with yourself & try to figure out, without trying to empathize with yourself. Then if you think that you were wrongly criticized, you may fantasize of sending that critic to hell along with his review. Whenever you're angry, never sleep! Fantasize the murder, kill him & then have a sound sleep. This really helps when you think you're left alone in this never ending world. With every review you get, regardless of it's negative or positive prospects; try to find out the weak points or loop holes & in the next act, simply don't use it. If you're determined to use it then you must be strong enough.   Don't lose hope. Hope can be as powerful as tears, as positive as a smile & as tormenting as insanity. A review helps us to stay put on earth rather than flying on the seventh heaven. 

And we must also learn that creativity is an argument & sometimes we lose it! You cannot always expect to be in the winning corner. If I create a light, someone will create a potable light. Due to hugely increased competition amongst us the quality of the outcome has dramatically increased & thus has the sharp vision of people(including critics). What a critic must remember before reviewing anything of their expertise is that what have 'they' contributed to the society in their field & who're they trying to mull with someone's invention. We're always looking for some appreciation from others & want some of the 'spotlight' on us, some of us just don't know how! I remember a great quote that I'd like to share with you guys:

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.” - William Arthur Ward

I'd like to conclude by stating that 'Life is beautiful & must not be wasted on petty things that contempts our life.' It is upto us & us alone shall we decide our own fate. If our invention impacts others in a non-helpful manner then we must immediately 'catch' ourselves but if we truly believe that our invention can be looked upon as a milestone for humanity, then it'll be appreciated anyhow regardless of the financial aspects.

“Technique is really personality. That is the reason why the artist cannot teach it, why the pupil cannot learn it, and why the aesthetic critic can understand it. To the great poet, there is only one method of music -- his own. To the great painter, there is only one manner of painting -- that which he himself employs. The aesthetic critic, and the aesthetic critic alone, can appreciate all forms and all modes. It is to him that Art makes her appeal.” - Oscar Wilde

Time

TIME

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.” - Albert Einstein

We've all heard the 'old-wives-tale': 'Time is precious, time is money' etc but do we really understand time? Do we understand the time it takes for a person to develop completely? Time is a many mysteries which many great philosophers, writers, poets attempted to describe in their work. If one must think, it is a thing with feathers sitting on which we fly through our lives. Someone described the Taj Mahal as "a teardrop on the cheeks of time", now that's really poetic!

I would admit it that my idea behind posting on 'Time' was greatly influenced by Hans Zimmer's latest musical piece titled 'Time' from the musical score of Christopher Nolan's hugely infamous, 'Inception'. The music kicks-off with very mild piano strokes alongwith light cello, it start's off slowly but slowly it takes pace also addition of instruments like drums and guitar & it gradually turns into an opera, a gust of wind that tentalizes the very soul. With the addition of violin & bugle, the music makes an everlasting impression. The music ends with the strokes of piano which again normalizes the pace/tempo. I could go on & on so let's shift out focus to the topic rather than it's inspiration else this post will turn out to be a Music-Review post.

But time, seriously, is like a smoke which we all see but can't control. It's like a bullet which once shot cannot be turned back. We're the slaves of time & nature. Time is not in our hands, unless we believe so. When we're born, there is a lot of time to play or to waste, like some might prefer. We were full of energy & there was no limit of time, as we believed. We had no specific criteria to befriend others, the only criteria was that the other child must have chocolate or some really cool toys! And we spent our childhood playing with them. Our parents were also involved in their 'child's play' but the reasons were different, we played to pass the time whereas they played to 'join' us through which they revitalized themselves. As we grow up, the time remains the same but we change. We 'prioritize' our life, become more compartmentalized & realize the importance of time.

I believe that the only time that is wasted is, the time we spend on conquering it! To conquer time is to conquer death -which is not possible. Instead of conquering it, we should be in rhythm with it's flow & make the best of it

TIME FLIES!:

It is said that 'Time & tide wait for none' which is illustrated below. People always complain that they had 'no time' to justify their actions but how is it that the same time gets shortened for the same person! As I mentioned above, we compartmentalize ourselves & thus realize our responsibilities towards our commitments. "Time is precious, indeeed!", we think. For people who work the time passes like the blink of any eye. They're so pre-loaded with work that they literally have 'no idea' of time. It becomes a rare opportunity to find that person relaxing. There are adverse effects of this 'lifestyle' such as the person isn't able to dedicate his time towards his friends/family/hobbies. This is actually what people call 'brain drain' & time is the key ingredient of this as they 'must complete their work in time'. There has to be a saturation point where the person, metaphorically, presses the 'reset' button so as to 'spend some time with his-self'. 

Time not only flies when a person is busy but also whenever the person is on a relaxing zone after 'too-much work'. It is rightly believed that 'Time flies when we're having fun'. The most mundane example is of watching a movie: the movie ends quickly(for us) when we like it but it continues 'till ages'(for us) when the movie has pace-issues. Therefore, it clearly abides that the 'moment' of time is directly proportional to the pace of things around us! Thus, all we need to do is know when to speed-up our surroundings & cope-up with it. It is not even close of being easy! Like no good comes without satisfactory efforts, the wheel of time also remains at par distance from us, unless we apply some efforts. Time never changes, it just unfolds us!

"Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.” - Stacey Charter

TIME?

Then there are those in complete contrast, rather there are more situations than the persons that contrasts the whole 'ethics of time'. When a person, for example a student, has his vacations; the days pass 'like a week' but the day 'seems like a month'! Note the difference between days & day. When we think of vacation as a 'whole', "it seemed only like yesterday when it was announced" - we think but while in a sunny day of vacation we think - "Oh, I was better off at school rather than sitting at home through light years!". The key is simple like I mentioned above, it all depends on the 'pace' of our surroundings, much less ours. If we work even the half of our surroundings, the time flies... When we grieve, all we remember was 'the time we had'. We always think after realizing our mistakes - 'Should I was able to go back in time, then I would have...' It's all time! We can't change our past but we can surely ruin our present by worrying about the future!

Time is of such an importance that it is used as a tool of measuring a person's age, leading to the amount of 'time' spent 'living' by that person. Man hasn't understood time, like many other things that's why we write all the abstruse & obviously philosophical things about it! And like many other things, human's understand the importance of time only when put on a deadline. We realize at that time, actually, was not a thing that we kept in our pockets & claimed as ours . Time can be thought of as the most cruelest, un-empathetical teacher who first takes the test & then teaches the lesson!

“To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.” - Leonard Berstein

Coming back to the music track 'Time', if you forget all the facts associated with it(even that it's from Inception), then you might get a more clearer idea of what I had attempted to say above. It is slow in the beginning, describing the children that we were. Then cello & drums take control, signifying our 'young-age' & the 'excuses' that we make regarding time. After that, violin & guitar drive the music to it's conclusion which beautifully signifies the importance of 'time' and that we must all be learned & intimate with it. But, like a dialogue in The Prestige -"People won't clap at the second act i.e. The Turn....", the listener won't be contempt with the music till it finally concludes with brilliant solo piano stroke which nicely symbolises that till the time we understand 'time', it's 'too late'! If it is to be made more dramatical, the music can be divided into 3 parts that were used in Chris Nolan's, The Prestige; the initial part can be thought of as The Pledge where, we're brought into the world with a lot of responsibilities but we really never understand them, neither do we try! The second part can be termed as The Turn where, our life changes dramatically as we are finally made intimate with our responsibilities, our work etc. The concluding part if The Prestige where, till the time we understand 'time', the 'time' again prevails in keeping it's secrets, secrets!

The journey of life continues with 'time' as we explore the good - the bad, the string - the weak, the beautiful - the ugly etc but we ultimately strive for one thing i.e. Peace of Mind which we can only attain if we really 'flow with the time' because it is never possible to be 'ahead of time'. Like light never knows that even though it travels so quickly, darkness has already reached & is waiting for light; similarly fools(human's) think that they out-ran time, time had already reached it's destination! Afterall, in youth we learn, in time we understand! Time has the most supreme power, the one which can rob our present & future and turn us into our past selves!

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” - Albert Schweitzer 

On a personal note I'd like to confess that this (Time) is my most passionate post till date.All I can say is... ...it took time for me to understand 'time' & to express it might take a little more 'time'.

The Scream Of Silence

THE SCREAM OF SILENCE

"God is the friend of silence. See how nature--trees, flowers, grass--grows in silence; see the stars, the moon, and the sun, how they move in silence." - Mother Teressa

We usually hear all types of sounds during our day-span. Most of those sounds are man-made(artificial) sounds. But we normally don't pay much attention to the sound that surrounds us, everywhere like; breathing, flickering of tube-light, voice of someone from the family, night crickets, people chattering, traffic noises etc. But when we're alone at late night, everything near us makes a sound & a lasting visual! Whatever we 'neglected' during other time seems to be the inevitable sound of silence during night-time. The second biggest reason of people being afraid of the night is the natural sound-effects that are unavoidable. Also the situation becomes so dramatic that even if you try to shush yourself, your brain will immediately search for a new sound & it will form an abstract bond-loop between you & the sound. This fact is nicely used by horror filmmakers & Oren Peli's recent wonder-hit, Paranormal Activity, is also such an example. At night, even the sound of your own breathing, footsteps, changing sides, crackling of bones etc might astonish you. This were the facts of natural sound that are most prominent during night. We become more conscious during night time that we focus on these sounds. The sounds remain the same but our mind is such an amazing machine that when it wishes to rest, nothing on earth can stop it but when things are other way around, it's indeed an 'experience. Here the irony is that generally we try to be in a silent/peaceful atmosphere & when we achieve that kind of atmosphere during night time, we seek an option similar to Ctrl+Z. So to avoid the 'silent-creeps', the best thing to do is sleep... That's right, night is a gift for the body to rest(not applicable during nail-biting situations) so why not use it! If finding sleep is too difficult then the only advice is to divert attention to one particular thing like thoughts, book, magazine etc. Mind is an amazing thing only till it drives us crazy. 

"Nothing is so good for an ignorant man as silence; and if he was sensible of this he would not be ignorant." - Saadi

The other silence that screams is that of a person. When a person keeps mum, it becomes a rather painful & suffocating experience. But human nature is such a self-explanatory & self-contradicting that all the seasons of humanity are comprehensively covered by the layers of various emotions & types of expressions, with silence being one of them. We cannot tolerate a person who is just too-loud-to-handle & neither can we tolerate silence of the ones we care about. It is a frustrating situation, only if we don't understand the reason. If an Audio-less picture speaks a thousand words than how much can a full, living human being(mute) speak?! The person might become silent but his/her activities don't. They try to express themselves through the means of their work, along with their approach to that work. The best way to figure out is a stereotype, asking. Unless the person is confronted directly in an un-aggressive way, with warmth & care; the person is bound to throw out all the things that lead to the silence. But if approached in the opposite way, that might lead the person to depression. Silence is wrongfully taken as a sign of depression when it is a sign of sheer frustration. So a mature way is to approach as a child & it works wonders. We must also remember that a person becomes mute only when he/she has the confidence that we'll unravel the mystery surrounding it! So a lot depends on how the relation is, more importantly how well do those people know each other. A person's silence is the ultimate scream!

"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart but we also need silence to be able to touch souls.” - Mother Teressa(modified)

Frustration

FRUSTRATION

“When life demands more of people than they demand of life - as is ordinarily the case - what results is a resentment of life almost as deep-seated as the fear of death” - Tom Robbins

People are of two types: Introverts & Extroverts. Introverts are the one's whom you can identify in a crowd because of their extra-ordinary patience & ability to resist lure. Extroverts are exactly opposite. They don't mind sharing the most intimate secrets of their lives with others. They are extremely social & very good at making friends. Either of these two characteristics are the building blocks of one's persona. We go on interacting with new/old people everyday. With some we share a great rapport & with some we share a platonic experience. Now as there is interaction, obviously there will be an exchange of ideas & words. But sometimes the choice of words aren't apt for the situation & thus resulting into a depleting attachment between people. But most times, the inability to express oneself results into self-irritation, like blaming oneself for the situation. The person cannot concentrate on other stuff due to the ongoing 'self-conflict'.

Frustration is a monster that is born in one's inner soul due to the feeling of self-pity for their inability to make amends to the situation. A person who cannot, for some reason, express his-self will always remain frustrated throughout his life. The symptoms of frustration are: complete social cut-off, getting irritated at even the most childish topics, extremities of diet(too much/too low), lack of sound-sleep, lacking self-confidence, having a constant felling of being haunted by some of their own actions in the past. Frustration, irritation, anger are just subordinates; the root of these problems lies in the mind of the person. After spending a chaotic day if someone is constantly 'blamed' or held accountable for a situation, even jokingly, can add to the fumes of frustration. Both the parties should have enough maturity regarding the timing, the usage of words, the tone in which the words are showered & most importantly - the body language. Frustrated people are always short tempered as they go on compiling the negativities of others in their mind & when the saturation point comes, it results into a fight-of-flight situation, sliding more towards fight. As I stated above, people develop a self-pity feeling which is also one of the ingredients for frustration. There is no bigger pleasure of an achievement than that achieved by one himself.  Self pity is a deadly termite. it makes the person hollow from within & lingers in the mind till ages-of-his-life. It taints the conscience of a person and in extreme situations, extreme steps are taken. A dissatisfied person will always be frustrated as he considers himself an 'under-achiever'. The person might try to catch other's attention through his actions and if the wish isn't fulfilled, it might prove lethal.

The person has to find a way to relieve all his stress so as to remain healthy. There are a lot of psychological remedies for frustration. I personally use music as a way to relieve all the stress. By music I mean simple music with no or very few vocals. Background scores of movies can also help as they help you to imagine yourself in the 'film' situation, thus diverting from the problem. There are many genre's of music but for stress-busting, New Age is the best option. The person is actually trying to relate to his situation while listening to music. If the situation is too-extreme & intense, you can always increase the decibel levels. The true 'spirit' & 'charm' of music is revealed when heard in darkness, in serene environment. The other effective way to relax is exercising/yoga, writing. If someone does all the mentioned things then there is noway that person can get frustration. Writing is a very impacting method. But these things are only effective if done sincerely & dedicated-ly.

The frustrated person is always perplexed of the world's mysterious actions. He begins to dream of a world he envisioned. Gradually the line separating dream from reality gets blurred & the person becomes numb thus losing empathy for others. It has to be kept in mind that the evil's of a frustrated person aren't greater than the good that only a few see. It might seem tough at first but, you can do it if you really try!

“Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.” - Eric Hoffer

The Sixth Sense

THE SIXTH SENSE

“Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.” - Oscar Wilde

There are five senses that we all possess, namely: Sight, Smell, Sound, Touch, Taste. With the help of these senses we live our routine lives. Weakening of any of these senses can create havoc. Let's break these senses down: Sight is obviously through our eyes. Smell is through our nose, Sound through our ears, Touch through our skin & Taste via our tongue. So if a person thinks about them, the sense of touch extends to our whole body.

In 1999, a film by M Night Shyamalan created a staggering euphoria with his 'The Sixth Sense'. Not only did the film won several accolades including several Academy Nominations, but it also mingled with the minds of the audience. Horror-Thriller genre never seemed so alive before, not even at the times of 'The Exorcist'. The audience could easily relate to it as it played with our 'senses'. Whatever so-called 'gift' we possess is put under our 'sixth sense'. Some people claim to possess the sense of fore-seeing one's future by their hands, eyes etc. Some people possess an extra-ordinary sense of smell, sound/sight or taste. An over-powered sense also falls under the 'sixth sense' category.

As the top-most layer of our body is covered by skin, 'touch' sense is always in practice; be it standing, touching, touching oneself etc. Due to gravity & other scientific reasons, without touch, living is not possible. With our eyes we see the world. We can differentiate red from green because of our eyes. Some people possess extremely focussed vision i.e. they can see things far at distance which most of us can't. Through nose we smell thus helping us to either focus or identify an object or our surrounding. Again, extremities are there in our olfactory functions too. Taste helps us in distinguishing food from junk! 

These were the obvious senses but there also exists a sense that we 'feel'. Yes, feeling is our 'sixth sense'. We can empathize with others due to this. We are 'afraid' because we 'feel' something/someone will harm us. And we can also 'feel' when we are being watched. Whenever we 'feel' something that might change our lives extra-ordinarily, the tiny hairs on our back of the neck stand up, at least it feels like it! Our breathing rate increases, we might begin to perspire and that's not it. The rush of adrenaline in our body at that time, makes the whole scenario like we see in a typical horror/mystery/thriller movie. But sometimes just due to a gust of cold wind, they stand up. Try rubbing ice on the back of your neck & you'll know what exactly I mean. This sense helps us to tackle with the situation & 95 / 100 times it turns out that 'there was nothing to panic'. But our body does that in 'self-defense'. Extremists exist in this 'sense' too. But they are not welcomed. If a person is always under impression that he/she is under scrutiny & still nothing proves on, then that person is tagged as a 'psychological' patient. And it is always a 50-50 shot at the odds. But it can also not be denied that due to this 'sixth sense' many lives have been saved by oneself as they became aware of the situation in advance & acted accordingly.

We live our lives due to the combination of these senses. There are fields in which a person may express his/her senses completely like drawing, dancing, drama, writer etc. & once they strike a chord with the audience/viewer/reader, that means you've really 'touched' them from within.

"Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure Science." - Edwin Powell Hubble 

Survivor

SURVIVOR

"The rhythm of life is intricate but orderly, tenacious but fragile. To keep that in mind is to build the key to survival." - Shirley Hufstedler

Every living organism in the planet is born with the impeccable instinct to survive. Till now there have been ample footage, experiences, witnesses that show how even the tiniest creatures in the world struggle for their survival. This need to survive, in psychological terms, is called Survival Instinct. It translates into fear of annihilation & death. Many believe that this works as a fuel towards our efforts to adapt & hence condition & nurture our surroundings as well as ourselves. The same is the case with human beings. When a person know's that he's living his last breath, he is bound to get nervous & will do whatever 'hope' he thinks he has to survive. The biggest example of this are the terrorists. They know they've no future yet they put on a fight.

These 'survivor' instincts are inborn with the being. Since birth, organisms struggle to survive. Hence, I won't be wrong if I say that Life is the cause for this instinct. Of course, its common sense. Many great philosopher's have quoted regarding the beauty, depth of life but never can 'life' be restricted to just on sentence. To know about Life you need to live one! It is actually a gift & a blessing but like other good things, it also has to come to an end. All living organisms try their best to prolong their stay on earth. Even a thought of 'death' can send a chill through the spine. Obviously, there's more data on human behavior, as we understand our languages, than that compared to animals. But this fact is gradually changing, thanks to National Geographic & Discovery Network's efforts.

Survivor is not limited to just prolonging death, it also relates to surviving what we go through in our lives everyday. A student survives his exams/results, a professional survives his job & in the end thus the earth spins round. But sometime, people get disheartened too easily & end their 'survivor' fight. In the recent months, the rate of suicide has increased dramatically. Why is this? Is it because they had no reason to live further? For Example:[1] When a student fails, the first feeling crossing his/her mind is of suicide. [2] When an in-relation couple break-up after spending some good time, suicide dominates their thoughts. [3] Sometimes people just get fed-up as they had 'been through a lot'. In all these cases, the common criteria for suicide is people losing hope, getting tired of their 'ill-fate' & people not accepting the facts. But once you think about it in depth, all the reasons point to one direction: GIVING UP!!

As I had written above about surviving, the key ingredient to surviving is never giving up. Those who've this feeling in them, survive through the test of time. Afterall life is about finding one's reason, hence that search for 'reason' keeps the men going. I'm not telling that we should 'hope', no, I'm myself not a big supporter of 'hope' but the key to open the doors of survival is never-giving-up. No matter how hard the time is, death is not the solution. People literally kill each other in the quest to survive so how can someone just throw his/her life like that! Whatever the reason is, doesn't add up to the value of your life. Life is precious & as surviving is directly proportional to life, surviving is a major part of our lives.

Death is going to come with all guns blazing, but if we 'never-give-up', we can easily brace ourselves even at the doorsteps of death. Even thinking about giving up is a crime!

I'd like to end this with a quote that might help to keep going on:

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” - Bill Cosby

Happy Fighting :)

A Rebellious Child

A REBELLIOUS CHILD

"In youth we learn, in age we understand" - Austrian novelist, Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Most of us celebrate our birthday's every year but what is the actual significance of it? Is birthday celebrated to embrace our victory over death for the past one year, that we managed to live a complete year? or do we celebrate it because it is the celebration of what we're now, what we've learned from life? or is it just a means for another family get-together? A pessimist/logical person would see birthday as the celebration of death & the case with a optimist will be vice-versa. I was recently reading a book 'Karma Manual', according to which our 'karma' begins since our conception. It means that since the time that life existed, it's 'karma' also churned it's wheels. Till the age we begin to watch 'Mickey Mouse', half of our karma is already done.

Life has three stages: 'Sowing', 'Growing' & 'Reaping'. Our own 'sowing' is not in our hands but 'growing' is. We grow first into a prepubescent age where the whole world is an alien to us. Whatever looked good or made a sound used to catch our attention. Whatever we were told by our elder's was considered as a binding statement. But as we leave the 'prepubescent' stage & enter into the very famous 'teen-age', our perceptions & priorities change. This is the age of rebel, love & affection. It is the only age where 'love' & 'rebel' come together. But the 'love' here is just to 'love-ourself'. Concentration from studies is shifted to 'gossip', 'movies' & other personal favorites. Many psychiatrists believe that this behavior is due to the 'hormonal' changes taking place. The 'pressure' is unbelievable these days. And during this, a movie like 'Udaan' releases. I'm not criticizing Udaan but neither am I appreciating it. I'm a teenager myself & the point that I didn't like in the movie was that it was a 'stereotypical' view. The write/director failed to show the perception of the father, only the main protagonist's perspective was considered. Also they've shown that 'running-away' is the solution. Now it doesn't takes a scientist to check the odds of children seeing the movie & concluding their lives journey. No doubt parents need to take good care but after seeing movies like these, atleast 60% of youth will see their parents as their enemies. I beg to differ. The chap is still learning to cope with world's rules of living + the biological changes taking place + the unstoppable thoughts = PRESSURE! And if 'Udaan' is seen by that chap, either he/she will come out more mature or a new method of 'runaway' will be developed. The problem is that we're already in a dilemma & if at that time parent's, even with good intentions, try to assist their child - will be considered as the same tyrant we saw in the movie. But what we should remember is that our parents are not our enemies. They want to see us grow in an environment where we mustn't suffer as they did. They are the silent guardians who take every blame silently that we throw at them. And we oblige them with running away when 'the pressure is un-handleable'. Is this really the solution? How can we be sure that we can grow ourselves better than our parents? It's not possible both logically & financially. 

Again it all comes down to the perception. When we've created a certain image that our parents are 'something', we stand-by that image. Hence when we are scolded for something, we take it too personally & sensitively. What we don't understand is that they are scolding us for our better development, again there are some exceptions. But the point is that it's just a shadow that we had in mind & most children don't seem to differentiate between reality & delusion. 

The solution for this is that the parents should sit together & then play their 'roles'. By roles I mean that either of them can play a 'support system' while the other plays the 'commander'. By doing this, the child is atleast sure that his voice will be heard. Normally, for the son his mother is the 'support system' & father is the 'commander' and vice-versa for girls. At this age, children tend to draw attention to themselves, failing which they take extreme steps. So even if the child is scolded by the parent, the 'other' should make sure that the same words are spoken with an essence of love, warmth & security in it. Many parents restrict their children's freedom to go out, to hang out with friends. In this case mutual understanding is needed from the parents & the child and gradually parents should also trust their children and increase their time-limit. This way both parties are at profit. 

The definition of rebellion is very nicely explained by Albert Camus , “What is a rebel? A man who says no”. 

“Real rebels are rarely anything but second rate outside their rebellion; the drain of time and temper is ruinous to any other accomplishment.” -  James Gould Cozzens

"Men seldom, or rather never for a length of time and deliberately, rebel against anything that does not deserve rebelling against." - Thomas Carlyle

The Blame Game

THE BLAME GAME

"The difference between greatness and mediocrity is often how an individual views a mistake." - Nelson Boswell

We all go through various emotions, situations in a span of single day hence we're extremely prone to work under pressure, which leads to some or the other minor/major mistake. When people are asked, "How come you make such a mistake?", they reply, "I'm not God!". This is our notion of God that he or she's a person - a rather abstract one, who never commits a mistake. But what I don't understand is that if you made a mistake, why to worsen things by not accepting it?! I mean if people 'really' follow God & his religious books, where in them is it mentioned that accepting a mistake is a sin?

Mistake's are neither deliberate nor accidental, I guess that is why the word still exists. Accident means something always having a drastic effect whereas mistake's are meant to be learnt from, even the most heinous ones. And like accidents, mistakes also take place due to miscommunication. Sometime's people can't hear the other person & thus begin to 'assume'. No one here is right or wrong & we do not have a right to judge them. So if you can't hear the other person, try asking 'again'. It won't hurt neither parties. But sometime's situations arise where the situation itself isn't favorable like person A is in angry mood & hence you cannot risk a punch on your face by asking him/her. But in this case, the only action to be taken is to be 'patient'. I know this is too time consuming but it's the best resort. In some cases, our action to act quickly results into a mistake. And even here 'patience' is the key,like I said. We act fast because we want to impress other/s. And while acting faster, we either make or break our 'image'. If we complete the task efficiently & perfectly - we are lauded, if we can't complete the task or if we even complete it but not perfectly - we are bombed. So here 'patience' and 'salvation' are linked together but as we know, if we do something dedicatedly, it is bound to complete in time with perfection.

Now above was the initiation or rather 'inception' of a mistake, the mistake is followed by a 'cover-up'. That's right, a 'cover-up' is the process which includes - deception, lies. When we're 'covering' our act, we're blaming someone else other than us for the concerned matter/mistake. We don't want to take the responsibility of our own act. Even cover-up's are of two types: (a) In which we neither blame nor support anyone thus transforming ourselves into a 'political-diplomatic'. (b) In which we blame some other person for our deeds. According to me, (a) is more crucifying than (b) - because it is quite difficult for some people to be 'quiet'. But at the end of the day regardless of what 'M.O' of our cover-up is, there is one thing that if left in the person that is a 'secret'. Now no matter whether a person can keep a secret nicely, we always find it difficult to maintain the secrecy of the 'secret' when we are involved in it. It becomes a burden when the 'secret' starts & ends with us.

"Admit your errors before someone else exaggerates them." - Andrew V. Mason

Thus, more & more can be said when we've to blame someone. We just need to do our job nicely if not dedicatedly. And if a situation shall arise when we have committed a mistake, we should wait for the right opportune moment to accept that & direct our efforts in the direction of improving ourselves, making ourselves proud. And like I had said earlier, we need to be 'patient', 'opportunistic', 'optimistic' & most importantly - 'dedicated' to whatever work we do. We should just remember one thing that "We should never let our mistakes take form of a 'crime'."

I'd like to conclude this post by a wonderful yet-not-so-abstruse quote by a great songwriter, singer & composer himself:

"A mistake is to commit a misunderstanding." - Bob Dylan

Misunderstanding: The Half Truth

MISUNDERSTANDING: THE HALF TRUTH

"In the whole round of human affairs little is so fatal to peace as misunderstanding."  - Margaret E. Sangster

A half truth is dangerous than a complete lie, it might prove fatal too. I've mentioned repeatedly in my previous posts that our perspective is always colored by how we want to see it rather than what it actually is. If our opinion is asked by someone indicates the person's trust on us, that our opinion counts. Someone's gain is someone's pain. All of our five senses are of utmost importance: Sight, Smell, Sound, Touch, Taste.

Misunderstanding begins with an 'assumption'. We interpret someone's actions or words by what we 'assume'. Given the opportunity to clarify, things might not be as it seemed. Again, some of us have a habit of interrupting other's when they speak which leads to mis-communication. This 'assumption' or 'mis-communication' leads to bitterness in the life ahead. There are memories that we remember & those which we can't forget. Any dark-shade of life falls under the latter.  That's why a person must first learn to be a good 'listener'. Here by a good listener I mean to use our 'Sound' & 'Sight' senses i.e. Audio/Visual. We must learn to note even the slightest change in the brows and also the 'eye-lip-synchronization'. We can tell whether a person is feeling well or not by their voice. They sound low/sore & you come to know that there's some problem. Using our 'Sound' sense is utmost required while we can't see the person i.e. over the internet chatting, telephonic conversation etc. At that time the only signs we'll get will be through the 'sound' of the person.

Reserved people have a good control & command over their words but the other person should also be intellect enough to understand their silence. Silence is much more deadlier, powerful & expressive than words. However, as we have seen many times, silence is always regarded as 'a tool of coward-ness'. This is why we need to use our A/V senses. If we cannot hear the words, we can atleast notice the facial expressions, the body language etc. No person can be so numb that he/she has control over their facial expressions, body language, voice; at the same time. Like life gives us signs, people do it too.

So ultimately all we need to do is learn to 'listen' & 'see' things as they are or we live in a delusion where both parties get hurt.

"Where misunderstanding serves others as an advantage, one is helpless to make oneself understood." - Lionel Trilling 

"In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood." -  Henry David Thoreau

When The Pain Dies Down...

WHEN THE PAIN DIES DOWN...

"We must embrace pain & use it as fuel for our journey" - Kenji Miyazawa

Pain...what is it actually? The dictionary says that its an 'unpleasant sensory & emotional' experience which means that it is an abstract expression. It is an 'anti-self' action but only when we're at the receiving end. It's an emotion sustaining the power which can either create or demolish emotional barriers. In most cases, it creates more barriers than breaking them. 

The dictionary might term it whatever it wishes to but the truth is that there's no concrete or binding definition of pain. It can be compared to being 'uncomfortable' if the dictionary is to be believed, but we all know that they are different. Only the one 'receiving' pain knows how it feels. Again, pain are of two types: Physical, Mental. The similarities are that both leave a mark or a scar for a long time. Physical pain refers to a wound whereas Mental pain refers to the 'inner-self' of the person. There are medicinal remedies for physical pain but only therapeutic's attempt to 'divert the mind' for mental pain. The most common way of 'sweeping' the pain is crying. People weep, even the older one's, just so that they can clear their conscience & let go off the burden called pain. 

Pain can be caused by virtually, anything. You can get hurt even by yourself, both mentally & physically. Haven't cut your nails and if unconsciously you happen to get your skin scratched with it, you realize that..oh it was my fault. So this pain pertains without any foreign object. And not to forget the pain of cutting the nails of the grim-looking little finger of the legs. Sometime's I question to myself that god made everything for a reason, so whats the purpose of that nail on that finger? Does god want's us to be literally on our 'toes'?. Anyway, jokes apart, but the point is that one is equally responsible as others are, in terms of 'giving' pain. Speaking of mental pain by oneself, the most clichéd illustration that pop's into my head is 'not being able to do...'. As I stated in earlier my post, An Epitome Of Remorse , we're always left with a feeling of improvisation i.e. to improvise more in what has already been done. We regret something or the other that we did or rather we didn't because of our 'self-renowned' reasons. A mis-communication can play a major factor in 'exchanging' emotional/mental pain. We're in fact so vulnerable to our own deeds that we cannot help but repeatedly get indulged into some activity, good or bad, that we're left with nothing to do but 'regret' it. Mostly, we become victims of our own creations. It's like a Frankenstein out of control, you created it but you don't know how to deal with it. Then we're left with the cupid called 'Pain'.

The antonym of pain is happiness and I'd like to quote one of my favorite line, from 'Harry Potter And The Prisoner of Azkaban' that 'We can stay happy even in the darkest hours, only if one remember's to switch on the lights.'. We can defeat Pain, or atleast suppress it enough, if we remember to stay positive. That's right pain dwells in negativity, except electrons because electrons are at atomic level where pain cannot fit itself. One must try to look at the positives that are earned from his experience of 'pain' & despair. You made a mistake, doesn't matter. There is 'No use crying over spilled milk'. Pain is always a matter of the past. Forgetting our past means letting it be born again to haunt us in our future! 'That' past, when it is re-born and looks into our eyes, we get scared & the fear slowly transforms into 'pain'. Fear & pain are indirectly related but no matter what, a person can believe in anything when consumed by either or both of them. 

Pain creates a dam, ignites a fire in us. But when we remember to 'be happy', the dam becomes a river, the fire burns out. It all seems like a dream which can comfort us in the middle of the night, a song that carries us to a better emotion & we come out of it becoming a better self than what we were. 

Ultimately, we all want to experience the feeling of 'when the pain goes down...'

I'd like to conclude 'Pain' by some beautiful quotes that can help you co-relate with the point's I tried of writing:

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." - Kahlil Gibran 

"We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. " - Jim Rohn 

"The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain." - Lord Byron

Happy 'Being Happy'.

My Side Of The Story

MY SIDE OF THE STORY

Since childhood, we've learnt that 'A friend in need is a friend indeed' but how much true is it? How much do we help others to call ourselves their 'friends'? We all have our share of problems, dark past - secrets. There is no one in the world who knows all our (individuals') secrets. Some secrets are shared with family, some with friends & some with no one - that's why they are called secrets! 

At some point of our lives, we all have some story concerning us, to someone. That point can come at anytime, ranging from teen-age to old-age. And if we can't tell that story, everything turns into a silver glass with a light on the water as the hope of 're-living' the story fades. The point of telling 'our' story is that we want someone, other than ourselves, to know about it so that we can re-live it again. When we tell some story, we're actually living it. And sometimes all one needs is a good listener. A person who doesn't intervenes in between but listens the story with full attention. The story teller is always enthusiastic & seems obsessed with his share of stories, whereas if the listener doesn't takes part as 'enthusiastically', its the calm before the storm. Any interruptions are considered as an 'omen' for the relation between the participants. It has also been observed that when someone else wants to tell a story, you're always available but when it comes to telling your story, you're alone. People who can understand the body-language of human beings can easily differentiate between what's real & what's 'forced'. 

After the conclusion of the story, suggestions begin to fly over from as many participants. Everyone starts with 'You should've...'. What they're forgetting is that the story is of the PAST hence the 'should've' philosophy becomes directly proportional to the probability of someone sleeping at that time! Hence 'this' messenger of remorse should not be used or atleast it 'should be' avoided. People are quick with suggestions but only when its someone else's story. The only request to be made to 'them' is to mind their own business. When we can't find a 'listener', we panic. We can't stand the pressure of holding the story in our mind & frankly, like us, no one's interested in listening to 'our side of the 'story'. And rightfully the world is pre-occupied with their own problems hence we can't expect to find a perfect listener but this doesn't mean that we can't try to be a better one. 

I'd like to conclude this post by few lines which I feel when I can't find a listener. Thankfully I've a blog to take out all my frustration. 

Im all alone, running scared

Losing my way in the dark

I tried to get up, stand on a prayer

But I keep crashing down hard

This is only My burden to bear

Nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear

My side of the story...

Don't you think the same too? Answer honestly..

Happy Story-telling/listening.